This Fast and Furious family feud has become so wacky and convoluted that it could easily serve as the plot for the next Fast and Furious movie. If you haven’t been paying attention, here’s a quick recap: After some highly-publicized beef with Vin Diesel on the set of The Fate of the Furious, Dwayne Johnson struck a deal with Universal for his very own spinoff with Jason Statham. Last week, the studio pushed the release of Fast 9 back from 2019 to 2020, and subsequently scheduled Johnson’s spinoff for…2019. Tyrese Gibson dragged Johnson on Instagram. Then Diesel chimed in with a post about staying “positive.” Grab your popcorn, fam, because Johnson just responded.

What a week, huh? After Tyrese blamed Johnson’s spinoff for delaying Fast 9 in a post that included a bonus Baywatch diss, Diesel took to his own Instagram account to play peacekeeper. The actor said it “would be unfair to say it is anyone’s fault,” and attempted to act as though the spinoff had nothing to do with the Fast 9 release date change. “Like any vehicle that has run around the globe 8 times,” Diesel said, “the franchise is in need of some maintenance.” Sure, Vin.

Today, Johnson hopped on Instagram, which has revealed its true function this week as the number one place for famous, ripped bald dudes to call each other out with passive aggressive hashtags.

Daddy’s gotta go back to work ~ Hobbs. Pumped to expand and build out the FAST & FURIOUS universe in a cool, exciting way with our @sevenbucksprod, writer/producer Chris Morgan, producer Hiram Garcia and lead producer and my bigger twin, Neil Moritz. Thank you UNIVERSAL STUDIOS for being tremendous partners who see the big picture and for coming to us years ago with this spinoff idea. Huge shout to my brother, Jason Statham for the trust and wanting to create and deliver something fresh and bad ass for the fans. I have a tremendous amount of respect for this franchise that I’ve enjoyed droppin’ blood and sweat in over the years and my vision is to create greater opportunities for not only my fellow FF cast mates, but for other amazing actors as well who want to be a part of something new and cool. I want to use my spinoff platform to create new characters that fans will ultimately love to have fun with in multiple chapters and platforms. Film, TV, Digital, Virtual Reality etc.. the more opportunities we can create the better for the fans. Smart business. Let’s have some FUN and to quote, Hobbs the boss, if you don’t like it, we’re happy to beat that ass like a Cherokee drum. #HOBBS #SevenBucksProds #NewOpportunities #CandyAssesNeedNotApply JULY 2019

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It sounds like Johnson is trying to attract other Fast and Furious co-stars to join him and Statham for their spinoff. Most of them — aside from Tyrese and Vin Diesel — have kept pretty quiet, so it seems like they’re (smartly) staying out of it. There are a few notable bits about the end of Johnson’s post: He emphasizes “FUN” in all-caps, like that one friend you have who always says they haaaate drama when nine times out of 10, they started it. Quoting his character, Hobbs, Johnson also says, “If you don’t like it, we’re happy to beat that ass like a Cherokee drum” — is the “you” in this scenario Tyrese? Because that’s how I’d read it, if I were a certain handsome former model who now stars in a crazy street racing soap opera.

And finally, Johnson caps it off with a message for his haters, which also happens to be a callback to the feud that started this whole thing, when he referred to an unnamed co-star (it was Vin Diesel, okay) on Instagram as a “candy ass” and thus CandyAssgate was born. “#CandyAssesNeedNotApply,” Johnson says, and there you have it. Everyone in the Fast and Furious fam is invited to join his super cool and totally FUN spinoff…except for Tyrese and Vin because they’re big ol’ doody heads.

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