It was the Facebook post that launched a thousand (give or take) s— fits. When the Alamo Drafthouse announced a special women-only screening of Wonder Woman, the outrage from misogynist bros was swift, immediate and entirely insane, with many bizarrely labeling the event “sexist.” But those toxic reactions didn’t quite have the intended effect and only made the screening more popular among women, spurring the Drafthouse to turn it into a national event, much to the chagrin of all those whiny sexist internet trolls — including one particularly angry man who decided it might be more effective to bypass theater management entirely and take his complaints straight to the mayor of Austin, Texas.

Over the past week, reactions to the Drafthouse’s special Wonder Woman screenings have ranged from accusing the theater of creating a sexist double standard (which implies that gender equality has ever existed in this country) to making totally cuckoo comparisons to racial segregation (I kid you not, some dudes seriously name-dropped Rosa Parks in this mess). The go-to (and least logical) complaint was something along the lines of, “If there was a men-only screening of [insert superhero movie title here], women would call it sexist!” — as if they were literally beamed down to this planet five minutes before the screening was announced.

And then there’s this guy, a man so incensed by the idea that he can’t go to one screening of a movie that takes place four days after said movie hits theaters nationwide that he felt the need to write a letter to the mayor of Austin — a letter that perfectly embodies toxic Men’s Rights Activists attitudes and their archaic world of misogynist make-believe:

I hope every man will boycott Austin and do what he can to diminish Austin and to cause damage to the city’s image. The theater that pandered to the sexism typical of women will, I hope, regret it’s [sic] decision. The notion of a woman hero is a fine example of women’s eagerness to accept the appearance of achievement without actual achievement. Women learn from an early age to value make-up, that it’s OK to pretend that you are greater than you actually are. Women pretend they do not know that only men serve in combat because they are content to have an easier ride. Women gladly accept gold medals at the Olympics for coming in 10th and competing only against the second class of athletes. Name something invented by a woman! Achievements by the second rate gender pale in comparison to virtually everything great in human history was accomplished by men, not women. If Austin does not host a men only counter event, I will never visit Austin and will welcome it’s deteriorati on. And I will not forget that Austin is best known for Charles Whitman. Does Austin stand for gender equality or for kissing up to women? Don’t bother to respond. I already know the answer. I do not hate women. I hate their rampant hypocrisy and the hypocrisy of the “women’s movement.” Women do not want gender equality; they want more for women. Don’t bother to respond because I am sure your cowardice will generate nothing worth reading.

“Name something invented by a woman!” is probably my favorite part.

You won’t believe what happened next — unless you live in Austin (like me!), in which case you’re already aware that our mayor, Steve Adler, is a total boss. (Unlike our governor, who does not support women’s rights and is probably pissed about these women-only Wonder Woman screenings about as much as the average Mad Online misogynist) And if you, like me, thought that banana-pants bonkers letter was so rife with misogynist cliches that it had to be satire, you are not alone.

In his response, Mayor Adler delivers a sick burn so elegant that somewhere, deep in the heart of Italy, a Michelin star-rated chef mysteriously felt the sudden urge to kiss his fingertips:

I am writing to alert you that your email account has been hacked by an unfortunate and unusually hostile individual. Please remedy your account’s security right away, lest this person’s uninformed and sexist rantings give you a bad name. After all, we men have to look out for each other!

Can you imagine if someone thought that you didn’t know women could serve in our combat units now without exclusion? What if someone thought you didn’t know that women invented medical syringes, life rafts, fire escapes, central and solar heating, a war-time communications system for radio-controlling torpedoes that laid the technological foundations for everything from Wi-Fi to GPS, and beer? And I hesitate to imagine how embarrassed you’d be if someone thought you were upset that a private business was realizing a business opportunity by reserving one screening this weekend for women to see a superhero movie.

You and I are serious men of substance with little time for the delicate sensitivities displayed by the pitiful creature who maligned your good name and sterling character by writing that abysmal email.  I trust the news that your email account has been hacked does not cause you undue alarm and wish you well in securing your account. And in the future, should your travels take you to Austin, please know that everyone is welcome here, even people like those who wrote that email whose views are an embarrassment to modernity, decency, and common sense.

Yours sincerely,

Steve Adler

As the kids say: DAAAAAAAMN.

I have never been more proud to call the city of Austin my home. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my daily ritual queso cleanse.

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