Unfortunate Truths With Justin Tate

- I should start working out again. But Cheez-Its and Mountain Dew are just too good.

- I should get more sleep. But with 16-hour days, sleep takes up time that I could be doing productive stuff like eating, talking with my wife, and watching documentaries about Bronies.

- I should be a better handyman around the house. But my hand-eye coordination does not mix well with hammers and such.

- I should light a good-smelling candle in the places where I spend the most time. It looks pretty, and covers up my gas.

- I should take more road trips to places I've never visited. I hear Notrees is beautiful this time of year.

- I should take more time to soak in the bathtub. But it's kind of gross being the biggest piece of meat in a grimy bacterial stew.

- I should give more money to Charity. Seriously, she's just trying to work her way through college, and those dollar tips don't go far.

- I should go on another ride-along with the MPD. There's sorrow in knowing that people make bad choices, and joy in knowing that I get to ride in the front seat where all the cool buttons are.

- I should send certain friends of mine to Washington DC. They have the solutions and absolutely 100% correct opinions about everything in politics. Just ask them.

- I should stop typing and start walking. To the bathroom. NOW.