This is a blog of a different kind. With my wife spending five days out of town, I've had a lot of time to myself. During this time, many thoughts popped into my head. Some made sense. Some did not. Some made too much sense. Some were slightly insane.
I have gathered these thoughts for your enjoyment, rumination, and reflection. Some are funny. Some are serious. Some may have me committed to a mental asylum. If that happens, please send care packages of Mountain Dew, chips, and salsa.
- Is it weird to anybody else that a TV program can show death, blood, guts, gore, dismemberment, cannibalism, etc., but if there's a female nipple, OH GOD, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
- I'm baffled by guys who aren't the man they should be for their wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend. All they want to do is love you. Let them. Let all of that jealousy, domination, and suspicion slide right out of your life. Many times, the only one keeping you from having a happy relationship is you.
- Anybody who says that the human body was designed perfectly has clearly never gotten one of those little flaps of skin next to their fingernail. It looks harmless until you pull it, peeling back half an inch of flesh that feels like it was pricked by a cactus, salted, and held over a fire fueled by hydrochloric acid.
- I might be a wimp.
- Apple phones and Android phones are both good. Shut up. You don't have a pony in this race.
- Wouldn't it be weird if cars were invisible? Picture all of us just floating down the street in a seated position. The lack of privacy would suck. No stoplight wedgie-picking.
- If I still had a MySpace account, who would be in my "Top 8?"
- Grammatically, "long time no see" makes zero sense.
- It's 2015, and people are still adding "-tard" to the end of words to describe people with whom they disagree. Could we, you know...stop?
- There's no comfort food that can compare to cold pizza for breakfast. This indisputable fact has been confirmed by thousands of current/former bachelors.
- I never fully realize how much I need my wife until I have to fold a fitted sheet.
- I should stop staring at the wall thinking about all of this and go do my radio show.