If the gruesome crucifixion of a Nazarene carpenter reminds us of anything, it's Courtney Stodden. So it only makes sense that she'd be there to help everyone celebrate Easter.

In a new YouTube video, the 18-year-old teen bride appears dressed in a furry bra and donning rabbit ears -- because she refuses to be less relevant than Paris Hilton. The video is sped up at first as she chomps on some carrots (possibly in a subliminal attempt to help the eyesight of people who watch too many Courtney Stodden videos) to a strange, clown-like backing track.

Then, barely audible beneath the circus music, she declares the following bit of prose, shamelessly lifted from Robert Frost: "Hippity, hippity hop. Here's something you can't top. I'm Courtney Cottontail, here to say, I hope you have a wonderful day. Hoppy Easter."

At the end of the 30-second video, before you have a chance to wipe away the tears brought on by the beautiful verses, she slips back into slow-mo and modestly covers her breasts.

You won't get the thirty seconds back, so don't even ask.